My limited success in raising bilingual kids

SINGAPORE – My husband and I naively thought we would effortlessly raise bilingual children by implementing the “one parent, one language” approach, in which each parent consistently speaks one language to a child.

We are both fairly bilingual, as least conversationally. And we felt it was important for our children – now 19, 16 and nine – to have a reasonable grasp of both English and Mandarin, as well as the values embedded in the languages.

Even though I grew up in an English-speaking family, I spent 10 years in Special Assistance Planned (SAP) schools taking Chinese language at a higher level, which helped improve my command of the language.

But speaking it did not come as naturally for me as it did for my husband, who grew up in a Mandarin-speaking family.

Before our first child was born, we decided that I would speak to our son in English and my husband would speak to him in Mandarin.

It worked well in the early years, as we tried our best to keep to this approach. Our son, and later our daughter, would naturally reply to my husband in Mandarin and they could understand most of what was said to them.

The pre-school my children attended had both an English and a Chinese teacher in class at all times, so that helped in our quest to raise bilingual children.

It wasn’t until our two older children entered primary school that it became apparent that they were far stronger in English than in Mandarin.

So, where did we go wrong?

First, we did not anticipate that we wouldn’t spend an equal amount of time with the children. Being the main caregiver for our children, especially in the seven years when I was a stay-at-home mum, meant I was with them more often than my husband was.

They spent more time chatting with me at home than with their papa, which meant their exposure to Mandarin was far less compared with English.

Second, in primary school, Mandarin was spoken by the teacher only during the mother tongue and character and citizenship education lessons, with all other subjects conducted in English.

As a result, my children’s exposure to Chinese dropped significantly from pre-school.

Friends they hung out with also spoke in English.

Slowly but surely, their replies to their papa, who valiantly persevered to speak to them in Mandarin, were in English instead.

Looking back, I realise we did not prioritise reading Chinese storybooks. Whenever we went to the library, we would automatically search for English ones. The cartoons they watched when they were young were also in English.

By the time we realised they were not getting enough exposure to Mandarin, it was too late. They were so used to speaking to me in English, it was hard to insist otherwise.

I did think of switching to speaking to them in Mandarin, but doing so, too, was not natural for me by then.

We shared our experience with friends who had younger children, and a few of them seemed to have found more success with both parents intentionally speaking to their kids in their mother tongue.

I interview former Chinese teacher and author Teo Ting Ting, who wrote and published the book Empowering Bilingual Connections, and ask about the “one parent, one language” approach. She says that while this method can help children clearly associate each language with a specific parent, a common issue is that the amount of time each parent spends with the child may differ significantly.

If the parent speaking the less dominant language has less interaction time, the child might struggle to develop fluency in that language, as is the case for my family.

She suggests that parents carefully evaluate their family dynamics and be prepared to adjust their approach to ensure balanced language exposure.

Another expert I interview says the home language has an impact on both proficiency and attitude.

Dr Sun Baoqi, an education research scientist from National Institute of Education’s centre for research in child development, says a number of studies done with pre-school to Primary 5 pupils highlights the significant impact of home language use on developing oral skills, reading and writing proficiency, and motivation.

She cites research that suggests bilingual children’s proficiency in the dominant language – especially when it is also the societal language – tends to rely more on formal education, while their development in the weaker language is deeply influenced by their home and school environment.

“This distinction underscores the importance of actively using the mother tongue at home,” she says.

She adds that the choice to speak a particular language at home acts as a “silent yet powerful teacher, subtly moulding children’s perceptions and values associated with that language”.

This is a process described in Chinese as “qian yi mo hua” – shaping one’s character or habits quietly and imperceptibly.

She says regular use of the mother tongue at home not only enhances children’s linguistic skills in that language, but also positively shapes their attitude towards it.

Knowing this now, if I had a chance to do it all over again, I might have pushed for both me and my husband to speak to our kids in Mandarin.

• Jane Ng is a senior correspondent at The Straits Times who covers parenting and education stories. She also writes a monthly column, Minor Issues, where she mulls over her own parenting dilemmas.

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